Well, that sucked!

C'est la vie, right?  That's the way life goes.
Weigh in: I was so excited because I'd been keeping under my calories all week (except the weekend) and have done more exercise and drank more water in a week than I have in years.
And what do I have to show for it? a Freaking GAIN!  WTF?! And I had been so excited to see the results of my work, I almost cried.  Almost being the operative word.

I feel like I'd been working with a paint by numbers and I finally got to add the last color that makes it all come together, and when I did, it looked like crap.

While it was a disappointment for me, I overcame the initial shock and started making plans.  I will do more walking this week.  I will eat better.  I will smile, and push through this.

This gain is actually a good thing - I wanted to start with baby steps, and I did.  I followed through and am doing the things I said I would in the beginning.   I think in the back of my head I was expecting the baby steps to be enough.  They're not. And now it's time to start taking big-girl steps. I still have to limit the activity to walking and "non-dangerous-to-the-still-sprained-ankle" movement.  But, aside from that: It's time to up the ante.

The really interesting thing about this time around is my attitude and actions.  In the past, I would have focused on the negative for much longer, felt much sorrier for myself and probably just said "the hell with it".  This time around it's different.  I'm different.

I've noticed other significant changes in me besides physical. I'm much more likely to follow through - this blog for instance, there's no way I would have kept it up in the past. And I took the initiative to sign up the hairy beast (dog not husband) for obedience training. Something we'd talked about but never got the gumption to do. So the change isn't just dietary, and perhaps that's why I don't feel so bad - I am changing and in good ways. Just not how I'd expected or hoped to change.

While I still feel like I goofed up, the reality is, I just need to change the plan a little more.  THIS time, I will not give up.  I feel like there are too many people counting on me - and this time, I will follow through till I've reached my goal: I want to be healthier, I want to walk into a regular store and pick out something sexy, and probably most of all I want to be able to run (without getting black eyes).  Those are MY goals.  Not something anyone else has chosen for me, not something I am doing for anyone else.  It is about me. And for once, that's ok.

And to all those who are on my team supporting me, laughing with me and crying with me, thank you.  You keep me going.